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Gunrunning With The Sharp Chuckies

by The Sharp Chuckies

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1.
I fucking hate kindergarten goddammit I fucking hate walkin' to school But when it rains my feet are dry Cuz my mom ain't no fool She makes me wear my duck duck boots My mom makes me wear my duck duck boots She makes me wear my duck duck boots My mom makes me wear my duck duck boots I'm the king of the naptime world I can rest with the very best But when it comes to duck duck goose I always win cuz I got duck duck boots My mom makes me wear my duck duck boots She makes me wear my duck duck boots She makes me wear my duck duck boots My mom makes me wear my duck duck boots Billy stole my Curious George books He took 'em from my cubby hole So yesterday outside at recess I kicked him in the shins with my duck duck boots She makes me wear my duck duck boots My mom makes me wear my duck duck boots She makes me wear my duck duck boots My mom makes me wear my duck duck boots
2.
I know this girl who is a crossing guard She's built like a Dodge Ram van When she holds her sign up I stop And when she doesn't well I just go on through And she stands on the corner by Taco Bell In her cute florescent vest which fits her swell All in all she's kinda sweet and swell With that whistle around her chest I think she's the goldurn best She's the best, best, best in her vest, vest, vest She's the best, best, best in her vest, vest, vest So if you see her with her stop sign up you better stop! Cuz that's the rules And if she gives you a wink that means you're special Just like that cereal Special K That's right uh-huh I really mean it, yeah, yeah, yeah
3.
I'm a tradesman yeah goddammit I work with my hands I can paint or lay carpet or install ceramic tile I can do just about anything any man can do But I got a secret and I'll tell you what it is I like duckies and bunnies and umbrellas and kittys I got 'em wallpapered all over my goddamn house Light baby blue and yellow and pink But that don't mean I can't fix your fuckin' sink Now I'm pretty sure I can kick anyone's ass I beat up two queers at one time on the street for no reason I can drink a case of beer and go home and still fuck like a stallion And I'll fuck your girl too if I wanna, fuckface I like duckies and bunnies and umbrellas and kittys I got 'em wallpapered all over my goddamn house Light baby blue and yellow and pink But that don't mean that I can't fix your fuckin' sink I never done the dishes in my whole goddamn life The way I see it that's a job for my wife I love baseball and porno, and porno and baseball And beatin' up queers, but you know what else? I like duckies and bunnies and umbrellas and kittys I got 'em wallpapered all over my goddamn house Duckies and bunnies and umbrellas and kittys I got 'em wallpapered all over my goddamn house Light baby blue and yellow and pink But that don't mean that I can't fix your fuckin' sink Tell it like it is
4.
When she was on TV she was a beaut Eatin' fried chicken that old bitch was cute All I can think of is apple jelly When I make love to Toppie Smellie Toppie, oh Toppie, wherever have you gone? Our love was deep like a river, it was oh so strong and long I haven't seen your greasy face for just about a week Toppie, honey child, for you my chicken juices seep I just love the smell of baby powder And garlic mixed with soft, moist canned cat food That's the smell of my magical Toppie Geriatric oven-fry lovin' so sloppy Toppie, oh Toppie, wherever have you gone? Our love was deep like a river, it was oh so strong and long I haven't seen your greasy face for just about a week Toppie, honey child, for you my chicken juices seep She turned me on to the joys of Depends They look so cute on her saggy rear end She's such a goddess in those big diapers We talk about God and listen to Stryper Toppie, oh Toppie, wherever have you gone? Our love was deep like a river, it was oh so strong and long I haven't seen your greasy face for just about a week Toppie, honey child, for you my chicken juices seep Now I'm off to look for my love Hope she's gummin' some chicken like a dove Not up in heaven with clogged arteries Toppie come back to me, please honey please
5.
Scooter 02:17
Get ready! I think I'm ready to buy a scooter You know the three-wheel kind that old people drive It would be either brown or grey I'd scoot around all day And put stuff in my basket, hey hey hey I could go just about anywhere that had a ramp And if it was fast I think I'd call it Champ I could pick up old ladies and fertilize their daisies People might think I'm crippled but hey, I'm just lazy My scooter would be awesome, more awesome than most Dean Martin would toast me at his next roast Well, that's if he's not dead, cuz I can never remember I always get him confused with Freddy Fender, that's right!
6.
I match today I look great I'm special My mom likes me She says I'm super And that makes me feel good Cuz I match today Yeah I match today (he matches today) I look great (he looks great! I'm special (he's special) My mom likes me (his mom likes him) She says I'm super (she says he's super) And that makes me feel good (and that makes him feel good) Cuz I match today (cuz he matches today) Alright!
7.
I'm a swinger, a humdinger I'm a nighttime cocaine sniffer I'm a chuggin', I'm a buggin' I'm a all-night super druggin' Bouncin' all around, shakin' my flab Got so many zits my face is one big scab I'm a chunky funky honky I'm hung like a donkey I'm a chunky funky honky So baby, let's do the monkey! I'm so hairy, like raspberries And I can't wait to pop your cherry I've been searchin' for a virgin And my favorite kind of fish is sturgeon Bouncin' all around, shakin' my blub I'm a hunka hunka hunka hunka hunka burnin' chub
8.
My girlfriend's a moose I call my dog Bruce My elastic is loose So sop up the juice Live under a spruce Such a silly goose I've come home to roost So sop up the juice So juicy, so juicy, so juicy, yeah so juicy So juicy, so juicy, so juicy, yeah so juicy My hair color's puce I've had too much booze Waiting for the muse So sop up the juice Don't win, always lose My falses are trues I've got a big bruise So sop up the juice So juicy, so juicy, so juicy, yeah so juicy So juicy, so juicy, so juicy, yeah so juicy
9.
He was born in a rundown shack on a long dirt road His dad was the Constable which means sheriff in a small town One time their basement flooded with sewage so they had to move the Christmas tree upstairs And one time he told me he would beat up Joe Sears for me Now he rides his moped up route 20 all day long He's highly visible, he's got his orange blazer on Riding past the trailer park he holds his head up high Cuz his dad owns the land that them trailers sit on I used to have to walk to the bus stop with him every day He was two years ahead of me in school but he was like 23 and I was like 12 Then one day Dot, his mom, who cleaned up the school, gave his sister a black eye A real shiner, the townsfolk did say while having breakfast at Joe's diner Which was also on route 20, by the way One day when I was walking to the bus stop with him he had this Blondie 45, Rapture, but it was his sister's and she was mad because he took it and he had it Now he rides his moped up route 20 all day long He's highly visible, he's got his orange blazer on Riding past the trailer park he holds his head up high Cuz his dad owns the land that them trailers sit on

about

This album is the band's masterpiece. Our Led Zeppelin IV.

It was recorded in Boston in late December of 1993. God, it was fucking cold. The band was joined by good friends Celia Coolidge and Aura Weiss. The band was creatively peaking here, as it is plain to hear. The London Ken (at the time known as Ken B.) did a fantastic job with production and mixing. There will never be a better Sharp Chuckies album.

credits

released December 31, 1993

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The Sharp Chuckies New Lebanon, New York

FACT: THE SHARP CHUCKIES ARE THE MOST HANDSOMEST ALL-MALE ROCK GROUP FROM THE EASTERN UPSTATE NEW YORK / WESTERN MASSACHUSETTS REGION.

The Sharp Chuckies were conceptualizationed in their hometown of New Lebanon, New York, way back in 1988. Since then, the band has been providing its several fans with the top style of rock 'n' roll available.
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