Gunrunning With The Sharp Chuckies

by The Sharp Chuckies

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about

This album is the band's masterpiece. Our Led Zeppelin IV.

It was recorded in Boston in late December of 1993. God, it was fucking cold. The band was joined by good friends Celia Coolidge and Aura Weiss. The band was creatively peaking here, as it is plain to hear. The London Ken (at the time known as Ken B.) did a fantastic job with production and mixing. There will never be a better Sharp Chuckies album.

credits

released December 31, 1993

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The Sharp Chuckies New Lebanon, New York

FACT: THE SHARP CHUCKIES ARE THE MOST HANDSOMEST ALL-MALE ROCK GROUP FROM THE EASTERN UPSTATE NEW YORK / WESTERN MASSACHUSETTS REGION.

The Sharp Chuckies were conceptualizationed in their hometown of New Lebanon, New York, way back in 1988. Since then, the band has been providing its several fans with the top style of rock 'n' roll available.
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Track Name: Duck Duck Boots
I fucking hate kindergarten goddammit
I fucking hate walkin' to school
But when it rains my feet are dry
Cuz my mom ain't no fool

She makes me wear my duck duck boots
My mom makes me wear my duck duck boots
She makes me wear my duck duck boots
My mom makes me wear my duck duck boots

I'm the king of the naptime world
I can rest with the very best
But when it comes to duck duck goose
I always win cuz I got duck duck boots

My mom makes me wear my duck duck boots
She makes me wear my duck duck boots
She makes me wear my duck duck boots
My mom makes me wear my duck duck boots

Billy stole my Curious George books
He took 'em from my cubby hole
So yesterday outside at recess
I kicked him in the shins with my duck duck boots

She makes me wear my duck duck boots
My mom makes me wear my duck duck boots
She makes me wear my duck duck boots
My mom makes me wear my duck duck boots
Track Name: The Lovely Magical Crossing Guard
I know this girl who is a crossing guard
She's built like a Dodge Ram van
When she holds her sign up I stop
And when she doesn't well I just go on through

And she stands on the corner by Taco Bell
In her cute florescent vest which fits her swell
All in all she's kinda sweet and swell
With that whistle around her chest
I think she's the goldurn best
She's the best, best, best in her vest, vest, vest
She's the best, best, best in her vest, vest, vest

So if you see her with her stop sign up you better stop!
Cuz that's the rules
And if she gives you a wink that means you're special
Just like that cereal Special K
That's right uh-huh I really mean it, yeah, yeah, yeah
Track Name: Duckies And Bunnies And Umbrellas And Kittys
I'm a tradesman yeah goddammit I work with my hands
I can paint or lay carpet or install ceramic tile
I can do just about anything any man can do
But I got a secret and I'll tell you what it is

I like duckies and bunnies and umbrellas and kittys
I got 'em wallpapered all over my goddamn house
Light baby blue and yellow and pink
But that don't mean I can't fix your fuckin' sink

Now I'm pretty sure I can kick anyone's ass
I beat up two queers at one time on the street for no reason
I can drink a case of beer and go home and still fuck like a stallion
And I'll fuck your girl too if I wanna, fuckface

I like duckies and bunnies and umbrellas and kittys
I got 'em wallpapered all over my goddamn house
Light baby blue and yellow and pink
But that don't mean that I can't fix your fuckin' sink

I never done the dishes in my whole goddamn life
The way I see it that's a job for my wife
I love baseball and porno, and porno and baseball
And beatin' up queers, but you know what else?

I like duckies and bunnies and umbrellas and kittys
I got 'em wallpapered all over my goddamn house
Duckies and bunnies and umbrellas and kittys
I got 'em wallpapered all over my goddamn house
Light baby blue and yellow and pink
But that don't mean that I can't fix your fuckin' sink

Tell it like it is
Track Name: Love Song For Toppie Smellie
When she was on TV she was a beaut
Eatin' fried chicken that old bitch was cute
All I can think of is apple jelly
When I make love to Toppie Smellie

Toppie, oh Toppie, wherever have you gone?
Our love was deep like a river, it was oh so strong and long
I haven't seen your greasy face for just about a week
Toppie, honey child, for you my chicken juices seep

I just love the smell of baby powder
And garlic mixed with soft, moist canned cat food
That's the smell of my magical Toppie
Geriatric oven-fry lovin' so sloppy

Toppie, oh Toppie, wherever have you gone?
Our love was deep like a river, it was oh so strong and long
I haven't seen your greasy face for just about a week
Toppie, honey child, for you my chicken juices seep

She turned me on to the joys of Depends
They look so cute on her saggy rear end
She's such a goddess in those big diapers
We talk about God and listen to Stryper

Toppie, oh Toppie, wherever have you gone?
Our love was deep like a river, it was oh so strong and long
I haven't seen your greasy face for just about a week
Toppie, honey child, for you my chicken juices seep

Now I'm off to look for my love
Hope she's gummin' some chicken like a dove
Not up in heaven with clogged arteries
Toppie come back to me, please honey please
Track Name: Scooter
Get ready!

I think I'm ready to buy a scooter
You know the three-wheel kind that old people drive
It would be either brown or grey
I'd scoot around all day
And put stuff in my basket, hey hey hey

I could go just about anywhere that had a ramp
And if it was fast I think I'd call it Champ
I could pick up old ladies and fertilize their daisies
People might think I'm crippled but hey, I'm just lazy

My scooter would be awesome, more awesome than most
Dean Martin would toast me at his next roast
Well, that's if he's not dead, cuz I can never remember
I always get him confused with Freddy Fender, that's right!
Track Name: I Match Today
I match today
I look great
I'm special
My mom likes me
She says I'm super
And that makes me feel good
Cuz I match today
Yeah

I match today (he matches today)
I look great (he looks great!
I'm special (he's special)
My mom likes me (his mom likes him)
She says I'm super (she says he's super)
And that makes me feel good (and that makes him feel good)
Cuz I match today (cuz he matches today)
Alright!
Track Name: Chunky Funky Honky
I'm a swinger, a humdinger
I'm a nighttime cocaine sniffer
I'm a chuggin', I'm a buggin'
I'm a all-night super druggin'

Bouncin' all around, shakin' my flab
Got so many zits my face is one big scab

I'm a chunky funky honky
I'm hung like a donkey
I'm a chunky funky honky
So baby, let's do the monkey!

I'm so hairy, like raspberries
And I can't wait to pop your cherry
I've been searchin' for a virgin
And my favorite kind of fish is sturgeon

Bouncin' all around, shakin' my blub
I'm a hunka hunka hunka hunka hunka burnin' chub
Track Name: Sop Up The Juice
My girlfriend's a moose
I call my dog Bruce
My elastic is loose
So sop up the juice
Live under a spruce
Such a silly goose
I've come home to roost
So sop up the juice

So juicy, so juicy, so juicy, yeah so juicy
So juicy, so juicy, so juicy, yeah so juicy

My hair color's puce
I've had too much booze
Waiting for the muse
So sop up the juice
Don't win, always lose
My falses are trues
I've got a big bruise
So sop up the juice

So juicy, so juicy, so juicy, yeah so juicy
So juicy, so juicy, so juicy, yeah so juicy
Track Name: Secretly Tony
He was born in a rundown shack on a long dirt road
His dad was the Constable which means sheriff in a small town
One time their basement flooded with sewage so they had to move the Christmas tree upstairs
And one time he told me he would beat up Joe Sears for me

Now he rides his moped up route 20 all day long
He's highly visible, he's got his orange blazer on
Riding past the trailer park he holds his head up high
Cuz his dad owns the land that them trailers sit on

I used to have to walk to the bus stop with him every day
He was two years ahead of me in school but he was like 23 and I was like 12
Then one day Dot, his mom, who cleaned up the school, gave his sister a black eye
A real shiner, the townsfolk did say while having breakfast at Joe's diner
Which was also on route 20, by the way
One day when I was walking to the bus stop with him he had this Blondie 45,
Rapture, but it was his sister's and she was mad because he took it and he had it

Now he rides his moped up route 20 all day long
He's highly visible, he's got his orange blazer on
Riding past the trailer park he holds his head up high
Cuz his dad owns the land that them trailers sit on